“The “Unsubscribe” Button is the Waldo of an email newsletter”

“I once yelled MOTHERFUCKER at a book and threw it across the room.”

“Most good programmers do programming not because they expect to get paid or get adulation by the public, but because it is fun to program.”
– Linus Torvalds

“If I’m pooping for too long, sometimes I talk to myself just to make sure I’m still alive.”

“I don’t know if this has happened to you but the other day I was walking in the park and woodpecker called me paranoid in morse code.”

“My doctor told me to always sit when I pee. I’m not allowed to lift any heavy objects.”

“You’re the noise in the signal-to-noise ratio on Reddit.”

“Your friend could get a sunburn from the moon.”

“That moment when you ask “What fucking idiot wrote this?” and it turns out it was you, 6 months ago.”

“Never use i for the innermost loop variable. Use anything but. Use i liberally for any other purpose especially for non-int variables. Similarly use n as a loop index.”

“Make sure that every method does a little bit more (or less) than its name suggests. As a simple example, a method named isValid(x) should as a side effect convert x to binary and store the result in a database.”

“I would never treat a clitoris like I treat my penis. I beat my dick like it owes me money”

“I told him I can’t open the jar, he said, download and install Java”