“I like the keyboard. Screw these inefficient letters…we’ll do binary directly!”

“Dude, this isn’t just any slap, it will go down in history. This moment will be forever known as “The Slap.” It wasn’t just any slap either, I bet scientists are figuring out how beautifully executed this slap was, every-time you replay it, you can almost feel the impact of the slap. It was like that first crack of the whip before your mom whooped your ass. It was like a billion toothpicks being snapped all at once. Everyone in that subway car felt an explosion when the slap was delivered, This slap could end world hunger, because it’s the slap.”

“I cannot draw a straight line with a ruler…”

“If this kangaroo slapped my girlfriend’s ass I would look the other way”

“You got dadded so hard it’s like your Grandpa was there too.”

“Bitch needs to do some pullups. She has the upperbody strength of a drunk 1-year-old.”

“Those hands are veinier than my dick.”